Good morning. This is your captain speaking. Welcome aboard, folks. We promise you the most enervating voyage of a lifetime, seeing your investments, savings, pensions, as if by magic, snap back to their substance of origin: i.e. thin air. Fasten your seat belts, for we're in for the roughest of rides.
As some of you may know our craft's propelled by debt power. The more you borrow and spend, the faster our climb. Up to a certain height, that is. If there's too much leverage, caused by too much debt vapor in our tanks, suddenly, the engines will stall and after a short Wile E. Coyote-like, delusive spell down we'll go, our tanks being flushed in the process.
Most of you will suffer from giddiness during this dive, which will invoke the necessary recklessness to up any ante and dodecatuple the stakes. Can you smell a leveraged buying opportunity here, folks? It will lend us virtual breathing space, in which everyone so inclined can beg the ECB (Easy Credit Bestower) for a stash of fresh cash, and jolt our craft back up into the plutosphere until its next and, supposedly, fatal nosedive.
Now, however brief your attention span, for a moment, shift at least one eye from your android to the next porthole near you. You may notice we're not up here alone. Several smaller craft are chasing our tail, sucking our tanks dry as we fly. These are so called 'flying PIIGS' who once took wing when credit was cheap, but are now floundering, but for your dauntless dedication to Keynesian economics and fractional reserve banking.
New leverage is needed fast, folks, trillions of it, for apart from those doomed PIIGS, different leeches are syphoning off the precious credit from our banks… er, tanks. Oh, my God! What's that! Right over our head, caught up in a deadly tailspin, aaargh, it's the Monster of Bankenstein! It's banking into our flight path, tapping power from our engines. Bail! Bail! Bail as fast you can, folks, lest we crash! Craaash!
Will the once free nations of the continent submissively yield to a Franco-Prussian power grab under EUSSR auspices? Hardly, methinks, as Britain's Foreign Office is preparing for riots in Europe.